Jimi and Damu the early years

What is the Year, Do You Think?

Jimi doesn't seem to fear the

Damu dog, heh??

Brutal Spouse Fighting Club

Caution--Violence Level High and Addictive

Is A-Rod Past Prime-Onioo News Asks

http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/arod-past-prime-unable-to-match-asinine-public-emb,26228/

He had a prime??? Hadn't heard that.

Bob Hoff

How to Break into Stand-up: 10 Tips for Beginner Comedians

Comedy Learning

See  http://comedians.about.com/od/breakingin/tp/breakintostandup10tips.htm

I endorse what Mr. Bromley is encouraging at the above link. Check out his cool and informative links. And revisit his site for other tips. Be willing to learn and practice comedy whenever you get the chance. I practice all the time and I think that I am one of the funniest people who I know. People who appreciate my humor agree with me.

And I believe it. I'll be doing what I urge you to do. Keep an open mind. Learn. Practice. Figure out what works, what doesn't, and why.

Good luck, fellow comedians. Keep laughing and helping other people to laugh. Laughter is good foreach and every one of us us.

Bob Hoff
Retired U.S. National Park Service Ranger
New Mexico, 2011

Some Detales:
Three sons, one grandson, and one wife
One dog
Years of telling jokes, weeks of rollicking laughs in response

Robert Benchley--"Love Conquers All" Available on Kindle

Available at Amazon.com Kindle page
Free

From: Love Conquers All
By: Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945)
Public Domain Book that can be read on Amazon's Kindle

We are occasionally confronted in the advertisements by the picture of an offensively bright-looking little boy, fairly popping with information, who, it is claimed in the text, knows all the inside dope on why fog forms in beads on a woolen coat, how long it would take to crawl to the moon on your hands and knees, and what makes oysters so quiet. The taunting catch-line of the advertisement is: "This Child Knows the Answer--Do You?" and the idea is to shame you into buying a set of books containing answers to all the questions in the world except the question "Where is the money coming from to buy the books?" Any little boy knowing all these facts would unquestionably be an asset in a business which specialized in fog-beads or lunar transportation novelties, but he would be awful to have about the house. "Spencer," you might say to him, "where are Daddy's slippers?" To which he would undoubtedly answer: "I don't know, Dad," (disagreeable little boys like that always call their fathers "Dad" and stand with their feet wide apart and their hands in their pockets like girls playing boys' rôles on the stage) "but I do know this, that all the Nordic peoples are predisposed to astigmatism because of the glare of the sun on the snow, and that, furthermore, if you were to place a common ordinary marble in a glass of luke-warm cider there would be a precipitation which, on pouring off the cider, would be found to be what we know as parsley, just plain parsley which Cook uses every night in preparing our dinner." With little ones like this around the house, a new version of "The Children's Hour" will have to be arranged, and it might as well be done now and got over with.

Benchley, Robert (2005). Love Conquers All (Kindle Locations 97-108). Public Domain Books. Kindle Edition.

Robert Benchley

Robert Benchley @ Brainyquote.com

Personal Note: I have been reading RB for years; he is one of my favorite comic essayists. Another of my favorite comic writers--Woody Allen--holds RB in very high regard. Benchley's grandson Peter Benchley wrote Jaws.

Me with my beard, and without it

"No, I am not related
 to John Muir"

This is a picture that I borrowed from a to-remain-unnamed-friend of mine because before I shaved off my beard recently I looked exactly like him.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Muir

"Honey, are we married yet?"

This is how I look now,

the same, but different

somehow around my edges

and middles.

Looking forward to another breakfast with Mr. Rocque Garcia

Rocque (“Rocky”) Garcia, in his career as a New Mexico State Policeman, was one of the most popular employees of that law enforcement branch in these parts. After he retired as a law enforcement officer, he worked as a park ranger with some of us other park rangers at the fabled Carlsbad Caverns National Park, making hundreds and hundreds more  personal friends from very recent strangers.
Why was Rocky so popular and still is as he nears the age of 80? Simply put, (1) he enjoys other people; and (2) he likes to put other people at ease and enjoy their company; and he is an interesting person with concern for his fellow human.
This morning I called Rocky to invite him to breakfast with another Park Service retiree and I (Jimmy S.) and as the conversation neared its end, Rock (and he is still strong as a Rock, believe me) said,
“Bobby, what did one plate say to the other?
What, Rocky?
Dinner is on me”
Then I said, “Rocky, do you know what happened after the two  plates fought?
Yeah, they were all broke up.”
And I said, “You know what the first plate said to the second plate?
What?
“You can dish it out, but you cant take it.
Rocky has that kind of fun effect on people wherever he goes.
So, we’re looking forward to another chance to be with him soon at breakfast. He’s, simply put, a great man.

The Devil’s Dictionary—a few excerpts

by Ambrose Bierce
The Devil's Dictionary at Wikipedia
Also known as The Cynic’s Dictionary
Ambrose Bierce at Wikipedia
ADMIRATION, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
ADMONITION, n. Gentle reproof, as with a meat-axe. Friendly warning.
APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offence.
APPEAL, v.t. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
BARRACK, n. A house in which soldiers enjoy a portion of that of which it is their business to deprive others.
BIGAMY, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.
BRIDE, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.
EGOTIST, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
FUTURE, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
Kimdle Copy

Me First, then some of Mark Twain’s explanation and exploration of humor (from his book, see the title at end of this post)

If you know me in any depth (or width), then you know that I love my family, other personally-selected people, books, reading, humor, writing, ideas, and the Boston Red Sox and Celtic etc. I think this short summary points to me as a man of the heart and mind, don’t you agree?

One the other hand, yard work puts way too much dirt under my nails, and at my age, I cannot push a lawn mower in a reasonably straight line. When I rake  the grass for five minutes, I require six hours of intensive bed rest. I always misalign our yard’s water sprinklers, drenching the neighbors’ clothes line.

I have made many public and private apologies for these deficiencies with no noticeable skill improvement all the while.

I think that this summary points to me as a man with almost zero earth or mechanical skills and a man better suited to heart or mind projects or assignments, don’t you agree?

Did you know that I informally, at my own pace, study humor (the wide spectrum: history, techniques, biography, variety, what’s funny, what’s not) at UOM—the University of Me.

I do this in a class of one. No teachers or professors, just the required texts that I alone select and assign myself readings from, (based on the recommendations of experts in the field similar to myself).

At random and by surprise, I give myself pop quizzes that I grade myself (I don’t believe in the curve system of grading; I use the more practical and flexible trapezoid method developed by the Trapp Family from Austria). I always look for quality and significance in my quiz answers and will not accept any mere drivel answers—never!

When do I schedule my self-administered humor tests? This is one of the beauties of my personally designed self-study- method—whenever I feel like it. It’s my degree program and I should know what I am doing shouldn’t I?

Just so you know, when I am tempted to cheat on a quiz or exam, I refrain. Imagine the horror and humiliation of catching myself and suspending me permanently from my own laboriously configured class. I shudder at the mere thought of it.

One of my humor study resources recently has been a Kindle book from Amazon.com entitled How to tell a Story and other Essays by Mark Twain. I want to share a couple excerpts from this book that I find both enjoyable and insightful.

Twain says,

I do not claim that I can tell a story as it ought to be told. I only claim to know how a story ought to be told, for I have been almost daily in the company of the most expert story-tellers for many years.

There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind--the humorous. I will talk mainly about that one. The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling; the comic story and the witty story upon the matter.

The humorous story may be spun out to great length, and may wander around as much as it pleases, and arrive nowhere in particular; but the comic and witty stories must be brief and end with a point. The humorous story bubbles gently along, the others burst.

The humorous story is strictly a work of art--high and delicate art --and only an artist can tell it; but no art is necessary in telling the comic and the witty story; anybody can do it. The art of telling a humorous story--understand, I mean by word of mouth, not print--was created in America, and has remained at home.

The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it; but the teller of the comic story tells you beforehand that it is one of the funniest things he has ever heard, then tells it with eager delight, and is the first person to laugh when he gets through. And sometimes, if he has had good success, he is so glad and happy that he will repeat the "nub" of it and glance around from face to face, collecting applause, and then repeat it again. It is a pathetic thing to see. (Underlining BH)

Very often, of course, the rambling and disjointed humorous story finishes with a nub, point, snapper, or whatever you like to call it.

Then the listener must be alert, for in many cases the teller will divert attention from that nub by dropping it in a carefully casual and indifferent way, with the pretence (sic) that he does not know it is a nub. Artemus (sic) Ward used that trick a good deal; then when the belated audience presently caught the joke he would look up with innocent surprise, as if wondering what they had found to laugh at. 

But the teller of the comic story does not slur the nub; he shouts it at you--every time. And when he prints it, in England, France, Germany, and Italy, he italicizes it, puts some whooping exclamation-points after it, and sometimes explains it in a parenthesis. All of which is very depressing, and makes one want to renounce joking and lead a better life.

(End MT quotes)

Mark Twain was one of the first legends of American humor.

Twain, Mark (2004). How to Tell a Story and Other Essays (Kindle Location 21). Public Domain Books. Kindle Edition.

Excuse me while I retire to my study to compose pop quiz questions over this material for myself.

BH

Just a friendly Internet tip

Just noticed some Punctuation Errors in that last blog, Darn It!

(Shail will fix them at her computer in India I hope. She is one heck of a writing whiz—both in form and substance. Thanks, HRP) The rest of you see if you can find them, you “nitpickers.”

Couldn’t find a nitpicker quote of any real substance, you all. Sorry.

Good Evening,

Bob Hoff

The Joke's on Me

I was working on a test blog or two last night, made some mistakes, and now I can’t fix them. Please ignore them as best as you can. I don’t think that I will make them again, but who knows?
I like what Mr. Jim Nestor said about mistakes--

“We need to take one game at a time. This is only one game, and we've got a lot more on the schedule. We need to learn from our mistakes.”

There are way too many “Jim Nestor results on Google to say who he is or was. Sorry.

The Arrogance of Authority

From a very dear person to me; thanks sweetheart:Arrogance of Authority

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister,  I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."  Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.  "See this badge?  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.  No questions asked or answers given.  Have I made myself clear?  Do you understand? "

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored  before he reaches safety.  The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....                

" Your badge. Show him your BADGE !"

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

At Google Books  Will Rogers and his "writing subjects"

Will Rogers at Wikipedia

Will Rogers quotes at Brainy Quote

Will Rogers at Internet Movie Database

WR--another one of my favorite humorists. Why if I had a dollar for every favorite humorist I have, I would hate April 15 when it comes around even more than I do now.

Bob Hoff

Yahoo’s “What’s Trending Now”

Do you ever notice this “What’s Trending” now feature on Yahoo home page.

I have no idea where the subjects come from, what they are based on, of if they change “on a schedule” or “randomly?

And at this point I am not sure where I can find out (should I should Google it? or what?)

I have figured out all by my lonesome that the subjects must be related by time, i.e. what’s trending now.

But I like to wonder if the topics do have a secret relationship that Someone Residing on the World Wide Web is trying to hint at.

Why was Tampa Bay pitcher Matt Garza put on YWTN? When I saw his name and “49ers” I guessed that he was quitting pitching to become a football player.

But I “wikied” Matt G and found that he was traded to the Chicago Cubs yesterday, 010711,

Pitcher Matt Garza

A couple days ago, I noticed “Lady Gaga”

Lady Gaga at Wikipedia

and “Tamales recall” on the same YWTN list and have imagined the worst. So far I can’t imagine a connection.

Can you?

Just noticed that Jim Carrey and The Beastie Boys just made the list. What do you think?

Beastie Boys at Wikipedia

Jim Carrey at Wikipedia