Charlie Chaplin and the movie "The Kid" and the child star who played "The Kid"--Jackie Coogan

     In 1921 at the age of 32 Charles Chaplin released his silent movie The Kid.  This movie is in eight segments with the first segment in this post. Go to http://youtube.com and search Charlie Chaplin, then the movie The Kid for other parts. The movie is 66 minutes in length.




This classic is still #195 in IMDB.com top 250 movies.

Read about the child actor Jackie Coogan who played The Kid and what he did later in his private life and entertainment career.

Health Plan Heaven

 Dear Diary,

 For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a   week of  personal training at the local health club for me.

 Although I am still in great shape since being a high school  football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good  idea to go ahead and  give it a try.

 I called the club and made my reservations with a personal   trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old  aerobics instructor and  model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

 My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The  club  encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

 ________________________________

 MONDAY:

 Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found   it was  well  worth it when I arrived at the health club to find  Christo waiting for  me.  He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes,   and a dazzling white smile.. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed  watching the  skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics  class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

 Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was  already  aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.  This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

 ________________________________

 TUESDAY:

 I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo  made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put  weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made

 the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!  It's a whole new life for me.

 _______ ________________________

 WEDNESDAY:

 The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the  counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a  hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer

 or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

 Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other  club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning  and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

 My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair  monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an  activity  rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would

help me   get in  shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.

 _______________________________

 THURSDAY:

 Jerk was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half  an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.

 He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran  and  hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.

 Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.

 _________________________________

 FRIDAY:

 I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any  other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic,  anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

 Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if  you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or  anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

 The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.  Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the  choir  director?

 ________________________________

 SATURDAY:

 Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice  wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me  want  to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked

the  strength to  even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight  hours of the  Weather Channel..

 ________________________________

 SUNDAY:

 I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and  thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my  husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canalor a

 hysterectomy.

"City Lights" Starring Charlie Chaplin

City Lights was released in 1931, one of the films that he wrote, directed, and starred in. It is currently #70 in the Internet Movie's Database of.its top 250 movies, 78 years after Chaplin made it.

City Lights at IMDB.com

Charlie Chaplin at Wikipedia

Charlie Chaplin Filmography

Currently I am reading Charlie Chaplin's 1964  My Autobiography. His life was full of interesting people and surprising turns, a man who revolutionized the early and emerging American film industry of his time. In the book, he shares his thoughts on acting, writing, directing, movie-making, humor, working with people, and his work ethics. He also remembers and recounts the lives of the people, ordinary and great, that he chanced to meet, and subsequent events of their lives as well as his life,

The original proposal to knight Charles Chaplin was made in 1931, but was postponed for nearly 25 years because of international controversy in his life, but eventually he became Sir Charles Chaplin. He was a man with the precious gift of being able to make audiences laugh, a precious experience for sometimes stress-fulled people then and now..

Marriage Humor .....and then the fight started!!

Wife:            'What are you doing'? 
Husband:     'Nothing'.
Wife:             'Nothing...?  You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour'.
Husband:      'I was looking for the expiration date'. 


Wife :           'Do you want dinner'?  
Husband:     'Sure! What are my choices'? 
Wife:             'Yes or No'.

       
Wife:         'You always carry my photo in your wallet ...  Why'?
Hubby:       'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and    
                    the problem disappears ...'  
Wife:          'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you'?
Hubby:        'Yes!  I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be    
                    greater than this one'?  


Stress
Reliever Girl:  'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and        
                         lighten your burden'.  
Boy:                 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles'.  

Girl:                  'Well, that's because we aren't married yet'.

   
Son:                  'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my    
                          seat to a lady'.  
Mom:                'Well, you have done the right thing'.  
Son:                 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap'. 

A newly married
man asked his
wife,                  'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune'?  
                          'Honey', the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO    
                          LEFT YOU A FORTUNE'!  


Girl to her
boyfriend:         'One kiss and I'll be yours forever'.
The guy
replies:             'Thanks for the early warning'.


A wife asked
her husband:     'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body'? 
                           He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor'!


Just the Punchline....You set up the joke's premise

.

His wife
replied:                       'Your Horse phoned!!!'


        Give me a sense of humour, Lord,
        Give me the grace to see a joke,
        to get some humor out of life,
        and pass it on to other folks





   

It's Good to be a Woman

From e-mail, thanks LG

HEY GIRLFRIEND

National Girlfriend and Sister's Week

I am only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use and the friends I have.

To the cool women who have touched my life. Here's to you!

National Girlfriends Day

If you get this twice you know you have more than one girlfriend.

Be Happy!

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AND RETURN IT TO THE FRIEND WHO SENT IT TO YOU

It is good to be a woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

3. Taxis stop for us.

4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.

6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.

9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there..

10.We have the ability to dress ourselves.

11.We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

12.If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.

13.We will never regret piercing our ears.

14.There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

15.We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

Send this to all the bright women you know and make their day!!!!!

Love ya! Mean it!

The Facts of Life--Updated to the Computer Age

From email, Thanks, LC

Daddy, how was I born?
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!  Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.  Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.  We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.  As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: 


Scroll down...You'll love this ...










You got male!

An Italian Boy's Confession

From e-mail; thanks,SE

And thanks to LD for formatting help.



   
              

AN ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION

         

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.  I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father.  I don't want to ruin her reputation.'

'Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. 

Was it Tina Minetti?

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Pease, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration.  'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.  But you've sinned and have to atone.'

'You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months..  Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you

get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

 

What's Wrong with This Logic?

Saw the sentence below  in a letter in my email. What a bonehead statement, no?

Erase Debts with a Personal Loan of up to $25,000

Worried About Money These Days?

Of course, many of us have been worried about money in these recent days, weeks, and months of economic downturn, uncertainty, greed, stealing, cheating, and recession.

Click below to find out the top ten people who have at least two different reasons not to worry about this or any future recessions.

Click here.

The New Jay Leno Show

The New Jay Leno Show

Jay Leno at Wikipedia

Pills and Their Traveling Directions

From e-mail, thanks MC

SPECIAL POEM FOR OLDER FOLKS

 

A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyze myself.
One yellow pill I have to pop
Goes to my heart so it won't stop.
A little white one that I take
Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
The blue ones that I use a lot
Tell me I'm happy when I'm not..
The purple pill goes to my brain
And tells me that I have no pain.
The capsules tell me not to wheeze
Or cough or choke or even sneeze..
The red ones, smallest of them all
Go to my blood so I won't fall.
The orange ones, very big and bright
Prevent my leg cramps in the night.
Such an array of brilliant pills
Helping to cure all kinds of ills..
But what I'd really like to know...........
Is what tells each one where to go!

From e-mail; thanks CH Spread  the Stupidity Only in   America   ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.   Only in   America  .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.   Only in America   .....do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.   Only in   America .....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.   Only in   America ..........do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.       Only in   America  .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.   EVER WONDER ... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?   Why can't  women       put on mascara with their mouth closed?   Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?   Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?   Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?   Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and  dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?   Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?   Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?   Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?   Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?   Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?   You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!   Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?   Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?   I like this one!!! If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?   If flying is so safe,   why do they call the airport the terminal?   Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)....in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while. Insert movie times and more without leaving Hotmail®. See how. =

 

Search the Web | News

 

 

Old Hollywood Squares T.V. Quiz Show --Questions and Unscripted Answers

From e-mail--thanks, CH

Hollywood  Squares: 

These great questions and answers are from the days when '  Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.. 

Q.  Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde:  Loneliness!
         (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? 
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? 
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? 
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency...

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty...

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? 
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget. 

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries Are you going to get any during the first year? 
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the  Camp Fire Girls? 
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? 
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? 
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? 
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q.. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? 
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? 
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? 
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

Two Women Taling in Heaven

From my e-mail in-box

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven


1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected
that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.


1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

Thanks, MC

 

Southern Ten Commandments

Ten Commandments

Some people have trouble with all those 'shall's' and 'shall not's' in the Ten Commandments... Folks just aren't used to talking in those terms. So, in middle Tennessee they translated the 'King James' into ' Jackson County ' language.....no joke (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro , TN ).

(1) Just one God
(2) Put nothin' before God
(3) Watch yer mouth
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(6) No killin'
(7) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal
(8) Don't take what ain't yers
(9) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff

Now that's plain an' simple. Y'all have a nice day!

Thanks, SM

Church Ladies Hair Care

While shopping in a grocery store,

two Church ladies happened to pass by

the beer, wine, and liquor section.


One asked the other if she would like a beer.

The second good church sister answered,

that indeed, it would be very nice to have one,

but that she would feel uncomfortable

about purchasing it.


The first sister replied that she would handle

that without a problem.

She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.


The cashier had a surprised look,

so the good church sister said,

'This is for washing our hair.'


Without blinking an eye,

the cashier reached under the counter and put a

package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.

'Here the curlers are on me.'

Thanks to L&K

Who was the Two-person Comedy Team that made the most money in Film History?

If you guessed Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis or George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, bong: you are incorrect. Hint: this team spoofed and used drugs in their movies.

Cheech and Chong

Source:
Comedy Writing Secrets by Mel Helitzer

Cheech and Chong at Wiki

Cheech Marin at Wiki
Age 63, as of 9/26/09 Full name--Richard Anthony "Cheech" Marin

Tommy Chong at Wiki
Age 71 as of 9/26/09 Full name--Thomas "Tommy" B. Kin Chong

Bill Cosby

from Funny Quote of the Day

"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home."

http://www.google.com/ig?hl=en#max53

Partial "To Do" List for Retired Grandpa (for today 9/23/09)

• Pickup Grandson Victor from Pre-K at 1:15
• Pickup hearing aids at repair shop
• (Per Grandma)--when walking, don't shuffle; pickup my feet.
• Pickup items from grocery store if I can remember which items we need
• (Per Grandma) Pickup your pace in completing household tasks.
• (Per Grandma) Pickup after myself
• (Per Grandma) Have our dinner on the table by the time I get home. Remember to cook it first this time.

Grandpa



BH

Look How Far We Have Come Since the Middle Ages

In the Middle Ages, most of the peasant laborers could only serf their land to make a living while today most of the modern workers can surf the Internet to make a living.

In those days, the serfs then were "down" and today the surfs are "up," the serfs then were downtrodden and the surfs today are downloading.


B.H.

Observations on Growing Older --WPOV (Woman's Point of View)

From e-mail - thanks, M.C.

• Your kids are becoming you….and you don’t like them!
  ….but your grandchildren are perfect!
• Yellow becomes the big color…walls…hair…teeth!
• Going out is good…coming home is better!
• When people say you look “Great”…they add “for your age”!
• You forget names but it’s OK because other people forgot they even knew you.
• You ask your husband or friend how your outfit looks and they tell you the truth!
• The five pounds you wanted to lose is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.
• Your husband is counting on you to remember things you don’t remember.
• Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring then he does in bed. It’s called his “pre-sleep”
• Remember when your mother said “Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident”?…Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!
• You used to say, “I hope my kids GET married. Now I hope they STAY married!
• You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” switch.
• You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you’ve read it.
• Everybody whispers.
• Now that your husband has retired, you’d give anything if he’d find a job!
• But…. old is good in some things: …. old songs …. old movies....
  And best of all OLD FRIENDS!!!!!

In case you have been vacationing on another planet for the last month, Rep Congressman Joe Wilson called President Obama a liar during an Obama speech.

Some humor in an email--thanks S.R. at NRG back east.


Thanks for Life Saving Advice

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I no longer have lemon slices in my ice water at a restaurant without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose (although cell phone usage may be overtaking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on a public bathroom floor.

SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl Penny Brown who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me..

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .