The Devil's Dictionary at Wikipedia
Also known as The Cynic’s Dictionary
Ambrose Bierce at Wikipedia
ADMIRATION, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
ADMONITION, n. Gentle reproof, as with a meat-axe. Friendly warning.
APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offence. APPEAL, v.t. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
BARRACK, n. A house in which soldiers enjoy a portion of that of which it is their business to deprive others.
BIGAMY, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.
BRIDE, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.
EGOTIST, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
FUTURE, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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