The other day my friend Carla Marie Beyonce Anne asked me why I always seem so angry.
I looked in the mirror and realized that she was right.
One reason might be that people take advantage of me so often: like Joey, who spends his basically piddling life on his almost puny (like him)computer.
For example, he told me about something that he saw on the Internet the other day.
He said, "Sheila Betty Jewell, did you see that incredible news story about those famous artists on Yagoogle yesterday?"
Unaware, I replied, "what?"
"Well," he said, "a consortium, or something like that, of international art historians think that they may have discovered some important evidence about the artists like Rembrandt, Goya, and El Greco."
"What did they discover about them, Joey?"
"Apparently, these three artists, and maybe even other ones, sometimes in secret might have used paint-by-the number art sets to create some of their most wonderous masterpieces."
Are you serious?" I asked Joey.
"What do you think, Sheila?" he answered.
"I really don't know, Joey."
"C'mon, Sheila, it's a joke. That's what jokes are. You pick a topic and say something 'exaggerated' about it and try to fool someone into believing the information is true. If the person believes you, you start laughing and saying, "I was teasing, knucklehead. I can't believe that you fell for it."
Moral: This is one way that people like (me) Sheila become anger addicts and develop straight hair and that angry sneer almost 24/7that you see in my above self-sketch . It is because of Joey, the little rat/beast/ fink, who uses humor to put other people, like me and other innocents, down. In addition, the chances are very slight (.000067% or less) that people like me (remember, Sheila) will ever marry people like Joey, the RBF, and if we accidentally lose our minds and commit matrimony with them, this is what might result: Sometimes the people like Joey, suddenly and without warning, disappear permanently. Then, the people like me begin to smile more often and get our hair done more frequently in soft, non-tense girly curls. Maybe, we even get a new self-sketch And I'm not joking, my friends.
By: Bob Hoff
© Bob Hoff, 2009 |
It's a little-known fact, but there is a super-virus out there which, if it infects your computer, can start a fire in your hard drive and possibly burn down your house. A fireman I know told me this, so I know it's true.
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