Steven Wright at Wikipedia
Steven Wright at brainyquote.com
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
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